Women Are Not "Empowered" By Their Birth!

Women Are Not Empowered By Their Birth!
by Kimberly Rivers

I know that is a pretty surprising statement coming from a doula and a president of a birth activist organization. But since I have been diving into this work I have used the word empower a lot. In the info I send to new doula clients I told them “I will work to empower you…” And just this week, through a wonderful class I am taking (Birthing From Within Birth Art Process) we began a discussion about the concept of women being empowered in their birth. I came to a realization that when I use that word, I really don’t know what I mean.

So this idea was presented to me by one of my mentors. The idea that women are not actually empowered by their birth, even those “perfect” births. That it may begin a process, an opening that can lead to understanding, but “empowerment” is something different. I began to digest this. What does “empower” mean?
In an online dictionary (wiktionary) empower is defined as “ To give permission or power to do something”, or “to give confidence to do something”.

The word empower seems to suggest an
outside force or being which “gives permission or power” to another.

How can I possibly think that as a doula
that my role is to give permission
to a woman to do anything?

The only person who can do that, is SHE, herself.

And it hit me, WHAM.
What I can do is to guide & support her along the journey to AWARENESS.

I realized that contained within that now tainted (for me) phrase of “being empowered by birth”, I really meant “becoming self aware by your experience of birth”. There is a very different feeling, a different energy behind those statements. And I am still in the process of clearly understanding that difference.

Perhaps, A woman already has any power within herself that, and the act of birth, any birth, does not “create” or “give power or permission” to her, but it, the birth, can bring awareness to her. And it may take many years, many more experiences for her to find that awareness, that realization. And that no one else can tell her what it is. She has it within her.


I became aware that when I would use the word empower in relation to birth, that it was tightly bound to an image of a particular kind of birth, a particular outcome, or a particular reaction on the part of the mother to her experience, it was based on MY expectations of those things. An idea that if a woman has a particular kind of birth, is able to “achieve” that, she will be empowered or that she should be empowered. But I also knew that women can have a birth different than what they were hoping for, and walk away with a new sense of themselves, a new understanding. This is a new awareness.

A woman may gain a deeper sense of herself, and confidence from experiencing HER birth, she may realize that she can do anything. But that is something other than “empowerment”, it is something from within herself.

And it cannot come from anyone
other or anything outside of herself,
Not her doctor, not her birth,
not her partner, and certainly not her doula.

I am continuing to digest and let this idea bubble. But already, it has brought an awareness to my work that opens up more possibilities in my mentoring.

kimberly rivers copyright 2010